You want to pop the question, but if the motive is one of these... don’t!
| “She's a nice girl”If “nice” is the only good thing you have to say about your potential partner, it isn’t enough. Nice-ness will help you tide over superficial social situations, but as matrimonial compatriots you need to share interests, goals and personalities. “We’ve been together so long” It’s great that you’re still seeing your childhood sweetheart, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life with her? And if you do, why are you asking yourself all these questions? You may feel compelled to propose because it’s the logical next step or out of loyalty, but think of the years ahead. Do you feel trapped? Then step back before jumping in. “But all my friends are doing it” Being the only single on a table of couples can be awkward but that’s not a reason to get married. Imagine how much more awkward it would be to be at home with a partner who does not gel with you at all. “My parents like her” But do you like her? Hitching yourself to a girl your parents like will appease them only for a short while. However, mummy-pappa are not going to grow old with her and you will need more than your parents’ approval to make the relationship last. “I’m close to her family” Admittedly you would feel guilty for “letting down” her family, but in the long run, it would be better than engaging her in a half-hearted marriage. You can strike the right balance by breaking up with dignity and staying on genial terms with her family, but just like with your parents, your marriage should not be based on what they think is right. “She wants me to” So you are getting married to comply with her wishes? How long is that going to last? Like every resolution, if your changes are not self-motivated, they won’t be permanent. And her demands are only going to become more persistent as she tries to mould you into her perfect man, which will make you resentful. Nip it in the bud. “We’ve had sex” Physical intimacy does not ensure a happy marriage. It could be used a tool of emotional manipulation by either party and if that happens, think about whether you would be happy with such a person. Eventually, a child will be involved and it will not be in his/her best interest to be with parents who are together not for love or compatibility, but only because they slept together. So end things quietly and be a gentleman — don’t kiss and tell. |