If you’ve been in the company of the opposite sex for any period of time, you’ll know that nothing can be taken at face value. If you haven’t figured it out on your own, tear and keep this page for easy reference. You won’t be sorry.
Men
• If you don’t want, you don’t have to: I am hoping showing you respect will make you change your mind.
• You look good: This means different things depending on the stage of relationship you are in. 1) If you’ve just begun dating: You look hot. My friends are going to be so jealous. 2) Steady relationship: Thank god! I’m so glad you’re wearing an outfit that won’t attract creeps.
• Let’s go someplace else: I just saw someone who knows me and I don’t want them to see me with you. The red flag should go up if he never wants to hang out where he lives.
• Let’s meet up with my friends: This could go both ways — either this date is boring or I really like you and want to see what my friends think.
• There’s a match tonight (in casual conversation): You can come if you promise to sit quietly, otherwise don’t even think of making plans for us tonight.
• Let’s end it before one of us gets hurt: I am cheating/about to cheat on you.
• You deserve someone better: Two-timing you is getting too stressful. Let’s end this now!
• Let me drop you home: Let me score some points in the ‘chivalry’ department and move towards ‘having coffee’ at your place.
• This party is boring. Let’s go someplace interesting: There are too many friends watching me here. Let’s go to a place where I can cosy up and hopefully, kiss you.
• Have you done something to your hair?: You look a bit different, but I’m not sure why. I’m just taking a guess here to be safe.
• Let’s hang out with your friends: I want to see if you know any hot girls.
• I feel like having (insert_name_of_food_item_here): Get up and make me that.
• I’m bored. Let’s do something: Plan a date without my input or, let’s have sex.
• Are you sure you’re going to be okay?: Please, please let me off the hook.
• I’ve never said this to anyone: I’m hoping this show of vulnerability gets me into your pants.
• She’s the kind of girl boys like: She’s a tease and we know it, but we’re hoping one of us strikes lucky with her.
• Hmm: Interpret it the way you want. I don’t think this requires me taking time off my cricket match/office phone call.
Women
• Do what you want: We’ve been together long enough for you to know what I want. Why are you still asking me? [Sometimes, this is also an open challenge: “Go ahead, dare to do that and see what happens.”]
• We need to talk: You need to sit and listen while I list all the things you’ve done wrong.
• I really don’t want to talk right now: As soon as I hang up, you better call right back and prise it out of me.
• I am putting up with your roving eye because of the children: I have no money and can’t go back to my parents.
• Wow! Isn’t this great? Doesn’t it look good on me?: Buy it for me. You will be rewarded.
• I’m hanging out with my mother this weekend: I don’t want to serve family time alone. I’m waiting for you to volunteer to do this with me.
• I can do this myself: No I can’t. Help me!
• Can we meet tonight after you’ve finished work?: I know you’re busy but I just want you to realise you’re choosing work over me.
• I’ll have to see what I’m doing: I have no plans for the foreseeable future but don’t want to seem easy.
• Do you like dogs/ rom-coms/ treks/ Thai food?: I like it and if you don’t, you better develop a liking if you want this to go on.
• We should talk about it: Why can’t you just say what I know you are thinking and give me a chance to rationalise it and prove you wrong?
• Why are you so quiet/ What are you thinking?: Out with the real story on where you went last night under the pretext of ‘watching IPL with friends’. Conversely, this may also mean ‘say something romantic.’
• You remember my friend XYZ? She just got engaged/married /pregnant: It is time I do.
• Isn’t she hot?: Say I look hotter.
• Let me go, I’m late: Don’t stop doing whatever you’re doing. It feels good.
• It’s too expensive! You shouldn’t have!: I’m glad you did! Do this often.
• I’m bored. Let’s do something: Plan a multiple destination date without my input.
• You don’t understand: Sit down and listen to me talk in minutiae about my feelings and sympathise periodically.
• I want to connect emotionally: I don’t think we should be having sex yet.
• What do you think?: I’m only making it seem that your opinion matters. It doesn’t
Just love is not enough
Only one per cent of couples who come for a divorce, actually reconcile, observes Mrunalini Deshmukh, Mumbai’s leading matrimonial lawyer. “Simply because they come to me after exhausting all options — counselling, working on their marriage, giving space etc,” she says. Mrunalini has handled some of the city’s most high-profile divorces, which has given her an insight into what really makes a marriage work.
“A couple approached me once and I thought they had come for a divorce, like all others,” she says. “But they were thinking of getting married and decided that I would be the best person to tell them what the red signals are in a relationship that they should heed.” Mrunalini breaks it down for us.
The edifice
Think true love is all it takes to make a marriage successul? Far from it, feels Mrunalini. The time-tested edifice of marriage — trust, understanding and respect come first. Love ranks way down the pecking order — “it grows unheeded as long as you have these three things,” she says.
Trust is most important
Trust is not just the ‘he/she won’t cheat on me kind’. “Believe that your spouse has your best interests at heart,” says Mrunalini. “Especially, when you fight and say things that you don’t mean.” Extend trust to the families and be certain that your spouse wishes them well.
Understanding
Understanding breeds companionship and love and equips you to handle each other's behaviours even during difficult times. “Things such as giving each other space, communication, taking time out for oneself or one’s friends, etc, all stem from understanding,” she says.
Respect
Respect can’t be a power game. “Command, don’t demand respect,” says the advocate who has been happily married for 30 years. Extend it to each other’s family, job, time, friends and feelings too. Another rule: there are no demands, only requests — be it on time, favours or sex. “Once there is a demand and one spouse gives in,” says Mrunalini, “it forms a power equation.”
Other factors
Work your ego
There is no place for ego in a happy marriage. And it’s not as difficult to shed yours, if you have basic trust.
Share responsibilities
Sharing household responsibilities makes the marriage stronger. “If both spouses are earning,” says Mrunalini, “they should contribute in proportion to their incomes. It’s not fair to expect the husband to take care of all expenses just because he earns more.” Finances are often a point of contention, and it’s best if couples manage investments and money separately, while pooling in for joint expenses. “Each spouse must be responsible of their expenses to balance the power equation.”
Comradeship
“Partnership is all about ‘us’ and less of ‘me’, says Mrunalini. “The more you think of yourself as a unit, the more you act like one.”
Love
Love alone can’t see you through a relationship. “I’ve seen couples who have had a love marriage, scream and abuse each other. Where has the love gone? Love must be nurtured with trust and understanding else it evaporates,” says Mrunalini. “Love also builds false expectations when it starts with romantic love. Couples in arranged marriages, on the other hand, learn to love each other with growing trust and understanding." Love also changes with age. It may start with romantic love, go to sexual love and graduate to caring and companionship at a later stage.
Sex
An important component, even when things go wrong. It’s important to bring back physical intimacy, if a couple has lost it. Sex dissipates tension, releases negativity and brings the couple together.They may solve their problems better after coming close physically.
Staying in a joint family
Staying in a joint family is very conducive to a happy marriage. “When living alone, a couple may get selfish and say whatever they want to release their anger,” she says. “An elder gives you perspective — to say, ‘Hey, why are you fighting about something so small’ or point out how it affects your children. The wisdom and maturity is always a bonus.”
Also, never have children to save your marriage or stay together for them, says Mrunalini. “Stay together because you want to. A child needs stability and you can give him or her that even by divorcing. Sometimes that’s healthier for the child rather than seeing parents fight bitterly,” she says.
• If both spouses are earning, they should contribute to the house in proportion to their incomes. It’s not fair to expect the husband to bear all the expenses just because he earns more.
“A couple approached me once and I thought they had come for a divorce, like all others,” she says. “But they were thinking of getting married and decided that I would be the best person to tell them what the red signals are in a relationship that they should heed.” Mrunalini breaks it down for us.
The edifice
Think true love is all it takes to make a marriage successul? Far from it, feels Mrunalini. The time-tested edifice of marriage — trust, understanding and respect come first. Love ranks way down the pecking order — “it grows unheeded as long as you have these three things,” she says.
Trust is most important
Trust is not just the ‘he/she won’t cheat on me kind’. “Believe that your spouse has your best interests at heart,” says Mrunalini. “Especially, when you fight and say things that you don’t mean.” Extend trust to the families and be certain that your spouse wishes them well.
Understanding
Understanding breeds companionship and love and equips you to handle each other's behaviours even during difficult times. “Things such as giving each other space, communication, taking time out for oneself or one’s friends, etc, all stem from understanding,” she says.
Respect
Respect can’t be a power game. “Command, don’t demand respect,” says the advocate who has been happily married for 30 years. Extend it to each other’s family, job, time, friends and feelings too. Another rule: there are no demands, only requests — be it on time, favours or sex. “Once there is a demand and one spouse gives in,” says Mrunalini, “it forms a power equation.”
Other factors
Work your ego
There is no place for ego in a happy marriage. And it’s not as difficult to shed yours, if you have basic trust.
Share responsibilities
Sharing household responsibilities makes the marriage stronger. “If both spouses are earning,” says Mrunalini, “they should contribute in proportion to their incomes. It’s not fair to expect the husband to take care of all expenses just because he earns more.” Finances are often a point of contention, and it’s best if couples manage investments and money separately, while pooling in for joint expenses. “Each spouse must be responsible of their expenses to balance the power equation.”
Comradeship
“Partnership is all about ‘us’ and less of ‘me’, says Mrunalini. “The more you think of yourself as a unit, the more you act like one.”
Love
Love alone can’t see you through a relationship. “I’ve seen couples who have had a love marriage, scream and abuse each other. Where has the love gone? Love must be nurtured with trust and understanding else it evaporates,” says Mrunalini. “Love also builds false expectations when it starts with romantic love. Couples in arranged marriages, on the other hand, learn to love each other with growing trust and understanding." Love also changes with age. It may start with romantic love, go to sexual love and graduate to caring and companionship at a later stage.
Sex
An important component, even when things go wrong. It’s important to bring back physical intimacy, if a couple has lost it. Sex dissipates tension, releases negativity and brings the couple together.They may solve their problems better after coming close physically.
Staying in a joint family
Staying in a joint family is very conducive to a happy marriage. “When living alone, a couple may get selfish and say whatever they want to release their anger,” she says. “An elder gives you perspective — to say, ‘Hey, why are you fighting about something so small’ or point out how it affects your children. The wisdom and maturity is always a bonus.”
Also, never have children to save your marriage or stay together for them, says Mrunalini. “Stay together because you want to. A child needs stability and you can give him or her that even by divorcing. Sometimes that’s healthier for the child rather than seeing parents fight bitterly,” she says.
• If both spouses are earning, they should contribute to the house in proportion to their incomes. It’s not fair to expect the husband to bear all the expenses just because he earns more.
Questions 04
I am 28 years old. I have been married for eight months and enjoy a good sex life with my wife. However, whenever we try the ‘woman on top’ position, she feels exhausted very early and stops within two minutes. I wonder if she achieves orgasm. I have not observed any vaginal secretion when having sex in this position. Is vaginal secretion indicative of orgasm in any way?
Why not have her rest in between and continue in a while when she feels revived? The lubrication fluid from the vagina is the result of sexual excitement. When she orgasms, she will react just like you do, except that she won’t ejaculate. A small amount of vaginal fluid may also emerge.
I am 27 years old and married. When having sex, I ejaculate within one minute. How do I overcome this issue? My confidence level is dipping by the day.
You will have to learn to control your excitement. When masturbating, stop stroking much before you feel like ejaculating. Compress the penis’ head with your two fingers and thumb. When the desire subsides, resume stroking. Repeat this 10 to 15 times before you ejaculate. In three to four months, there will be improvement. During intercourse, use lubrication, penetrate, and do not start stroking immediately. Wait till you are in control and then stroke. Stop when you think you are close to ejaculation. Repeat this stop and start method. If your penis’ head is very sensitive, buy a Climax spray and spray it over the glans. Try a course of NEO tablets (charak), one tablet twice a day for six weeks.
I had a baby four months ago and have completely lost interest in intercourse with my husband. Even after hours of foreplay, I am unable to get aroused. I love my husband so we do have sex, but
I am 28, my wife is 22. We've been married for eight months and haven't been able to have proper sex. It's difficult for me to insert my finger or my penis in her vagina. Is this due to less lubrication or are we not trying correct postures? Will KY jelly help? How do we use it?
Ask her to apply Xylocaine 2% get in and around the vagina and wait for 20 mins. After washing, arouse her with a lot of foreplay and then insert your penis. KY jelly is safe and can be applied on your finger or penis. Try a position with her on top or with her legs on your shoulders.
I am 28 while my wife is 23 and we've been married for the last two years. We usually make love thrice a week but her vagina remains dry and tight despite foreplay. We use lubricant each time but natural lubrication happens rarely. What can we do to overcome this?
There is no other reason except the fact that she isn't getting aroused. Discuss the matter with her and ask her what the problem is. Try and work out a solution. Increase foreplay if she likes. There is no harm if you continue to use a lubricant like KY jelly.
I don't enjoy it. My baby was a caesarean. We don't want a second child, but I don’t want to undergo a surgical treatment for it. What else can we do?
Don’t get perturbed. Such behaviour is common after a delivery. The good news is that slowly it will return to normal, maybe in a couple of months. Some doctors believe that hormone imbalance is what causes it. While others believe that testosterone in small doses can help, others prescribe anti-depressants. Let your doctor decide. Ensure you get adequate rest, avoid fatigue, don’t get anxious or depressed and be positive. Don’t get obsessed with the baby and ignore your husband. Try and please your husband even if you do not reach an orgasm.
I am a 25-year-old man and masturbate about thrice a week. I’ve never been in a relationship and am desperate to find a woman. I feel dissatisfied about not being able to. Can I try having sex with a sex worker and use protection?
It’s best you continue satisfying yourself through masturbation. Widen your fantasies. Going to a sex worker is not advised. Widen your circle of female friends and wait for the right person to come along. Meanwhile, be friends with them, not just think about sex.
I am 29, while my wife is 30. What are the safe days for sex? We are planning to have a baby after two or three years but considering my wife’s age, what would be the right time for her to deliver a normal and healthy baby?
Why not use a condom and enjoy sex without restrictions always? Otherwise the first and the last seven days of menstruation are comparatively safe and you can take a risk. I suggest you start trying for a baby when she turns 31. Now, have her examined by a gynaecologist and you too check your sperm count. If the count is normal, you can wait. Try for a baby 10 months before the desired month, but there is no guarantee.
I am planning to have sex with my partner, and while we usually use protection, she now wants to have sex without a condom. Will a Today tablet prevent pregnancy if we don't use a condom? What time before or after sex should she have the tablet?
Think before you both act. Tell her not to be foolhardy. Today is a barrier tablet killing sperms when ejaculated in the vagina but it’s only about 80 to 85 per cent safe. Always use protection like a condom or she can regularly have a low doseage of a hormone pill like Ovral L for 21 days, repeated every month.
I am a 45-year-old woman with three children. Of late when my husband and I have intercourse, my vagina remains dry and itchy. There is no vaginal discharge and it burns a lot. Doctors say it's normal due to hormonal changes and menopause. Please help.
This is common after menopause or near it. For better lubrication your husband needs more foreplay and you could use KY jelly. You can visit your gynecologist who may suggest an oestrogen cream for a few days.
I am 29, my wife is 28. We have been married for three years and have a child. In the first year of marriage, we used to make love quite frequently, but now it’s reduced to once or twice a month due to our hectic schedules. We make love only in the missionary position and I fear I suffer from premature ejaculation. However, I make sure she has an orgasm. Of late I’ve started masturbating thinking about other women and get aroused at the thought of women I meet. What should I do?
The average count of lovemaking is around three to four times a week at your age. Obviously your work is getting the better of you. Try having sex early in the morning. Try different positions that you both should learn and experiment with. Fantasy, if not played out, does not make you a sinner but be careful of your behaviour and get better control on your emotions.
Why not have her rest in between and continue in a while when she feels revived? The lubrication fluid from the vagina is the result of sexual excitement. When she orgasms, she will react just like you do, except that she won’t ejaculate. A small amount of vaginal fluid may also emerge.
I am 27 years old and married. When having sex, I ejaculate within one minute. How do I overcome this issue? My confidence level is dipping by the day.
You will have to learn to control your excitement. When masturbating, stop stroking much before you feel like ejaculating. Compress the penis’ head with your two fingers and thumb. When the desire subsides, resume stroking. Repeat this 10 to 15 times before you ejaculate. In three to four months, there will be improvement. During intercourse, use lubrication, penetrate, and do not start stroking immediately. Wait till you are in control and then stroke. Stop when you think you are close to ejaculation. Repeat this stop and start method. If your penis’ head is very sensitive, buy a Climax spray and spray it over the glans. Try a course of NEO tablets (charak), one tablet twice a day for six weeks.
I had a baby four months ago and have completely lost interest in intercourse with my husband. Even after hours of foreplay, I am unable to get aroused. I love my husband so we do have sex, but
I am 28, my wife is 22. We've been married for eight months and haven't been able to have proper sex. It's difficult for me to insert my finger or my penis in her vagina. Is this due to less lubrication or are we not trying correct postures? Will KY jelly help? How do we use it?
Ask her to apply Xylocaine 2% get in and around the vagina and wait for 20 mins. After washing, arouse her with a lot of foreplay and then insert your penis. KY jelly is safe and can be applied on your finger or penis. Try a position with her on top or with her legs on your shoulders.
I am 28 while my wife is 23 and we've been married for the last two years. We usually make love thrice a week but her vagina remains dry and tight despite foreplay. We use lubricant each time but natural lubrication happens rarely. What can we do to overcome this?
There is no other reason except the fact that she isn't getting aroused. Discuss the matter with her and ask her what the problem is. Try and work out a solution. Increase foreplay if she likes. There is no harm if you continue to use a lubricant like KY jelly.
I don't enjoy it. My baby was a caesarean. We don't want a second child, but I don’t want to undergo a surgical treatment for it. What else can we do?
Don’t get perturbed. Such behaviour is common after a delivery. The good news is that slowly it will return to normal, maybe in a couple of months. Some doctors believe that hormone imbalance is what causes it. While others believe that testosterone in small doses can help, others prescribe anti-depressants. Let your doctor decide. Ensure you get adequate rest, avoid fatigue, don’t get anxious or depressed and be positive. Don’t get obsessed with the baby and ignore your husband. Try and please your husband even if you do not reach an orgasm.
I am a 25-year-old man and masturbate about thrice a week. I’ve never been in a relationship and am desperate to find a woman. I feel dissatisfied about not being able to. Can I try having sex with a sex worker and use protection?
It’s best you continue satisfying yourself through masturbation. Widen your fantasies. Going to a sex worker is not advised. Widen your circle of female friends and wait for the right person to come along. Meanwhile, be friends with them, not just think about sex.
I am 29, while my wife is 30. What are the safe days for sex? We are planning to have a baby after two or three years but considering my wife’s age, what would be the right time for her to deliver a normal and healthy baby?
Why not use a condom and enjoy sex without restrictions always? Otherwise the first and the last seven days of menstruation are comparatively safe and you can take a risk. I suggest you start trying for a baby when she turns 31. Now, have her examined by a gynaecologist and you too check your sperm count. If the count is normal, you can wait. Try for a baby 10 months before the desired month, but there is no guarantee.
I am planning to have sex with my partner, and while we usually use protection, she now wants to have sex without a condom. Will a Today tablet prevent pregnancy if we don't use a condom? What time before or after sex should she have the tablet?
Think before you both act. Tell her not to be foolhardy. Today is a barrier tablet killing sperms when ejaculated in the vagina but it’s only about 80 to 85 per cent safe. Always use protection like a condom or she can regularly have a low doseage of a hormone pill like Ovral L for 21 days, repeated every month.
I am a 45-year-old woman with three children. Of late when my husband and I have intercourse, my vagina remains dry and itchy. There is no vaginal discharge and it burns a lot. Doctors say it's normal due to hormonal changes and menopause. Please help.
This is common after menopause or near it. For better lubrication your husband needs more foreplay and you could use KY jelly. You can visit your gynecologist who may suggest an oestrogen cream for a few days.
I am 29, my wife is 28. We have been married for three years and have a child. In the first year of marriage, we used to make love quite frequently, but now it’s reduced to once or twice a month due to our hectic schedules. We make love only in the missionary position and I fear I suffer from premature ejaculation. However, I make sure she has an orgasm. Of late I’ve started masturbating thinking about other women and get aroused at the thought of women I meet. What should I do?
The average count of lovemaking is around three to four times a week at your age. Obviously your work is getting the better of you. Try having sex early in the morning. Try different positions that you both should learn and experiment with. Fantasy, if not played out, does not make you a sinner but be careful of your behaviour and get better control on your emotions.
Questions 03
I am a 25-year-old woman and for the past few months I have noticed a decline in the amount of my vaginal discharge. This restricts my husband’s penis into my vagina during intercourse and makes sex quite painful. What can I do?
If it is clear fluid then it is a lubricating fluid which occurs when a female is sexually aroused. Is he in a hurry? Insist on more foreplay so that you get your first orgasm before he penetrates you and follow it up with intercourse. You could lubricate with your or his saliva or get KY gel.
I am a 38-year-old man and my wife is 30. For the past two years she has lost all interest in sex. I have tried experimenting with various things to encourage her but she doesn’t respond. What can I possibly do?
You need to figure out the reason for her distance. Is she scared of a pregnancy, do you have halitosis or are you always in a hurry to finish before she is satisfied? Communication is your best option.
I'm 20 years old. My foreskin is quite tight and does not slide even halfway down the glans. I managed to pull it down when my penis was flaccid. But it turned out to be painful upon getting an erection. Do I need circumcision? How much would it approximately cost? How many days do I need to rest after the surgery?
Use lubrication during erection to gently slide the foreskin as far back as it goes without being painful. In a month, it should slip back and forth at erection, easily. If not, see a surgeon. The procedure is safe and is done under local anaesthesia with a sedative so that you do not feel discomfort. You can go back to work in two days. Total healing takes around a fortnight.
My wife delivered our baby four months ago. I would like to know when can we start having sex again, especially since she underwent a caesarean delivery. I also heard that the chances of getting pregnant at this time are high. What precautions should we use? What is the ideal time to resume intercourse after a delivery?
Ideally, when her secretions stop and any lacerations etc have healed, intercourse can be resumed. It takes anywhere between six to eight weeks. If your wife is feeding the baby and she has no periods, it is usually safe for six months to not use a contraceptive. If you want, you can use a condom.
I am 20 years old. Whenever I have sex with my girlfriend, I ejaculate very fast — within two to three seconds. I am very ashamed of it. Please help me. I don’t want to break up with her because of my weakness.
Most men in the early stages of sex ejaculate fast, but you will have to learn to control your excitement. Practise the stop-and-start method while masturbating i.e. stop much before the desire to ejaculate and then resume stroking. Repeat 12 to 15 times before ejaculating. You will improve after four months.
I got married recently. My partner and I have sex every day. However, her periods will begin soon. My wife says it's not hygienic to have sex during this time, but we don't want to stop having sex. Is it safe to have sex during periods?
Sex during periods must be avoided (especially during heavy flow), but on other days when there's a slight flow, intercourse is possible with good hygiene. Wash your private parts thoroughly before and after intercourse. Of course, both of you must agree to it.
I am a 40-year-old happily married man. We've been married for 11 years and we enjoy our sex life. We have now decided to try anal sex but I’m afraid my wife’s opening isn’t very big. We tried using baby oil but it didn’t help. Please tell us what to do. I don’t want her to face any problems because of it.
Yes, she can injure the area if you aren’t careful. More importantly, you can get a severe infection so if you must, always use a condom with plenty of lubrication. For the pain she could apply Xylocaine 2 per cent gel in and around the area, wait for 20 minutes and wipe off. The pain will reduce. The position is also important so place a pillow under her stomach.
Is protected sexual intercourse allowed in the early days of pregnancy? My wife is around 10 days pregnant. Is protected sexual intercourse allowed at this early stage of pregnancy? It is believed that the ovum is well-anchored in the uterus for the first 12 weeks. In this period, though it is safe to have intercourse, she should avoid getting an orgasm and getting oral sex. She could help herself by masturbating.
I am 22 and my boyfriend is 23. We are planning to have for the first time without protection; is it safe to have on the fifth day of my cycle without protection? What are the safe days? Will we have a problem in the future, in conceiving a baby since both of us have the same blood group, B+?
I strongly advise you to always use a condom. Nature can play tricks that will cost you heavily. No days are a cent per cent safe. And there will be no problem in having a baby.
I got married a year ago, but still haven’t been able to have pleasurable sex with my husband. I experience pain (and a burning sensation). My husband gets worried and doesn’t force himself. Due to our busy schedules and dipping interest, we hardly have sex. I had myself tested for any infection, but the reports were clear. I was asked to bear the pain and given lubricants. It’s frustrating. You need not be frustrated. Understand that it’s your fear that does not allow you to relax and have a good lubrication in the vagina. If you are well lubricated, you will not experience the frictional burning. Regarding the pain, get a tube of Xylocaine2% gel and apply a small quantitI got married a year ago, but still haven’t been able to have pleasurable sex with my husband. I experience pain (and a burning sensation). My husband gets worried and doesn’t force himself. Due to our busy schedules and dipping interest, we hardly have sex. I had myself tested for any infection, but the reports were clear. I was asked to bear the pain and given lubricants. It’s frustrating.
You need not be frustrated. Understand that it’s your fear that does not allow you to relax and have a good lubrication in the vagina. If you are well lubricated, you will not experience the frictional burning. Regarding the pain, get a tube of Xylocaine2% gel and apply a small quantity in and around the vaginal opening. Wait for 20 minutes and wipe off or wash the excess. You won’t experience pain. First, insert your finger in the vagina. After you are comfortable, ask your husband to insert his finger. Having gained confidence, take the woman-on-top position and slowly insert the penis into the vagina. y in and around the vaginal opening. Wait for 20 minutes and wipe off or wash the excess. You won’t experience pain. First, insert your finger in the vagina. After you are comfortable, ask your husband to insert his finger. Having gained confidence, take the woman-on-top position and slowly insert the penis into the vagina.
If it is clear fluid then it is a lubricating fluid which occurs when a female is sexually aroused. Is he in a hurry? Insist on more foreplay so that you get your first orgasm before he penetrates you and follow it up with intercourse. You could lubricate with your or his saliva or get KY gel.
I am a 38-year-old man and my wife is 30. For the past two years she has lost all interest in sex. I have tried experimenting with various things to encourage her but she doesn’t respond. What can I possibly do?
You need to figure out the reason for her distance. Is she scared of a pregnancy, do you have halitosis or are you always in a hurry to finish before she is satisfied? Communication is your best option.
I'm 20 years old. My foreskin is quite tight and does not slide even halfway down the glans. I managed to pull it down when my penis was flaccid. But it turned out to be painful upon getting an erection. Do I need circumcision? How much would it approximately cost? How many days do I need to rest after the surgery?
Use lubrication during erection to gently slide the foreskin as far back as it goes without being painful. In a month, it should slip back and forth at erection, easily. If not, see a surgeon. The procedure is safe and is done under local anaesthesia with a sedative so that you do not feel discomfort. You can go back to work in two days. Total healing takes around a fortnight.
My wife delivered our baby four months ago. I would like to know when can we start having sex again, especially since she underwent a caesarean delivery. I also heard that the chances of getting pregnant at this time are high. What precautions should we use? What is the ideal time to resume intercourse after a delivery?
Ideally, when her secretions stop and any lacerations etc have healed, intercourse can be resumed. It takes anywhere between six to eight weeks. If your wife is feeding the baby and she has no periods, it is usually safe for six months to not use a contraceptive. If you want, you can use a condom.
I am 20 years old. Whenever I have sex with my girlfriend, I ejaculate very fast — within two to three seconds. I am very ashamed of it. Please help me. I don’t want to break up with her because of my weakness.
Most men in the early stages of sex ejaculate fast, but you will have to learn to control your excitement. Practise the stop-and-start method while masturbating i.e. stop much before the desire to ejaculate and then resume stroking. Repeat 12 to 15 times before ejaculating. You will improve after four months.
I got married recently. My partner and I have sex every day. However, her periods will begin soon. My wife says it's not hygienic to have sex during this time, but we don't want to stop having sex. Is it safe to have sex during periods?
Sex during periods must be avoided (especially during heavy flow), but on other days when there's a slight flow, intercourse is possible with good hygiene. Wash your private parts thoroughly before and after intercourse. Of course, both of you must agree to it.
I am a 40-year-old happily married man. We've been married for 11 years and we enjoy our sex life. We have now decided to try anal sex but I’m afraid my wife’s opening isn’t very big. We tried using baby oil but it didn’t help. Please tell us what to do. I don’t want her to face any problems because of it.
Yes, she can injure the area if you aren’t careful. More importantly, you can get a severe infection so if you must, always use a condom with plenty of lubrication. For the pain she could apply Xylocaine 2 per cent gel in and around the area, wait for 20 minutes and wipe off. The pain will reduce. The position is also important so place a pillow under her stomach.
Is protected sexual intercourse allowed in the early days of pregnancy? My wife is around 10 days pregnant. Is protected sexual intercourse allowed at this early stage of pregnancy? It is believed that the ovum is well-anchored in the uterus for the first 12 weeks. In this period, though it is safe to have intercourse, she should avoid getting an orgasm and getting oral sex. She could help herself by masturbating.
I am 22 and my boyfriend is 23. We are planning to have for the first time without protection; is it safe to have on the fifth day of my cycle without protection? What are the safe days? Will we have a problem in the future, in conceiving a baby since both of us have the same blood group, B+?
I strongly advise you to always use a condom. Nature can play tricks that will cost you heavily. No days are a cent per cent safe. And there will be no problem in having a baby.
I got married a year ago, but still haven’t been able to have pleasurable sex with my husband. I experience pain (and a burning sensation). My husband gets worried and doesn’t force himself. Due to our busy schedules and dipping interest, we hardly have sex. I had myself tested for any infection, but the reports were clear. I was asked to bear the pain and given lubricants. It’s frustrating. You need not be frustrated. Understand that it’s your fear that does not allow you to relax and have a good lubrication in the vagina. If you are well lubricated, you will not experience the frictional burning. Regarding the pain, get a tube of Xylocaine2% gel and apply a small quantitI got married a year ago, but still haven’t been able to have pleasurable sex with my husband. I experience pain (and a burning sensation). My husband gets worried and doesn’t force himself. Due to our busy schedules and dipping interest, we hardly have sex. I had myself tested for any infection, but the reports were clear. I was asked to bear the pain and given lubricants. It’s frustrating.
You need not be frustrated. Understand that it’s your fear that does not allow you to relax and have a good lubrication in the vagina. If you are well lubricated, you will not experience the frictional burning. Regarding the pain, get a tube of Xylocaine2% gel and apply a small quantity in and around the vaginal opening. Wait for 20 minutes and wipe off or wash the excess. You won’t experience pain. First, insert your finger in the vagina. After you are comfortable, ask your husband to insert his finger. Having gained confidence, take the woman-on-top position and slowly insert the penis into the vagina. y in and around the vaginal opening. Wait for 20 minutes and wipe off or wash the excess. You won’t experience pain. First, insert your finger in the vagina. After you are comfortable, ask your husband to insert his finger. Having gained confidence, take the woman-on-top position and slowly insert the penis into the vagina.