Most people let the relationship flow naturally, and while that’s okay sometimes, you need to be connected with what you want from the relationship.The onslaught of technology, increasing stress and personal ambitions has necessitated planning in this aspect of life too. Though such goal-sharing won’t guarantee a smooth ride, it’ll at least give you an idea of expectations from your partner. Here are some objectives you should agree upon before marriage.
Never try to change your partner’s ways
Instead try to change yourself. Decide during the dating period itself that you won't try to change the other. If there are too many differences, it's best to part ways; don't make the mistake of thinking your partner will mould him/her self to your tastes after marriage. Even if they do, such superficial changes don't last long.
Both should keep the romance alive
Keeping the relationship going shouldn't be the responsibility of only one partner. Both should make equal investments in this regard. Respect each other's interest and show gestures — gifts, dinners, travel, etc. — to ensure the spark never dies.
Listen to each other
Communication breaks down because couples fail to listen to each other. Resolve to be an active listener even if you’re fighting. If your partner says something, hear him/her out, repeat it and ask if you don't understand any part. Whatever be the differences, ensure that the lines are always open. Feedback always helps.
Goal of joint commitment
There are three important goals...
• To remain sexually faithful
• To overlook shortcomings
• To not utter the D-word. Even while quarrelling, never threaten divorce. Couples, often tend to use the term very casually which gives the impression that you are ready to ship out of his/her life at the slightest instance. It weakens the very base of your bond.
Keep criticism to a minimum
Your goal should be to accept each other's weaknesses. There would be certain areas where you would have a difference of opinion but by and large be aware (and accept) your partner’s limitations. Again you should be clear about this during dating.
Set goals about finance
Be specific here. Who will pay the rent, the bills, the EMIs? Talk openly about spending habits — how much do each of you require for the month and what should be the savings. Also decide whether you will have joint or separate accounts (the bone of contention in many cases).
Set realistic marital expectations
Does the wife expect her husband to take her out on holiday every few months? Check if he can afford or is interested in doing so. Similarly, does he expect his wife to cook each night? These may be simple things but it's best to know each other's routines and expectations.
One good exercise to set realistic marital goals is to make a list of expectations — from your own self as well as your spouse. Then tick off the ones that are there due to cultural expectations (eg: attending functions together), due to peer group pressure (eg: socialising and partying) and third, media created expectations (eg: all the so-called romantic gestures). Once you eliminate those, the ‘real you’ will emerge.
Jointly fight negative influences
Decide not to let any external factor — the girl's or boy's parents, friends, office etc — come in the way of your relationship. Make a goal and fight for it jointly. Remember that you are a team once you are married or enter a long-term relationship.
Separate amicably
This is not exactly a pre-nup, but be prepared. Resolve that if, due to any circumstance, you need to separate, it will be done amicably. No ugly scenes or accusations. Have a goal to maintain the dignity of the relationship, no matter what.