Have you looked into character traits?It’s not just enough to say that the person is good, and hence is worthy of marriage. You can evaluate one only on the basis of character — is he/ she humble, kind, responsible and happy? Old fashioned? Sounds a tad ‘boring’, but these are the traits that hold good in the long run. You can draw a lot of inner strength from them. One who is humble will do what is 'correct' and not what he/she ‘thinks is correct’. A kind person is one who gives more than he takes. A lot of grief can be avoided if one is just committed to selflessly giving rather than simply taking.
How would you know if your love is a responsible person? Simply observe how he/she functions at the workplace. Is he/she able to shoulder the responsibility of a large team and manage strife amicably? You will be amazed to find how this often reflects in personal relationships as well. And finally, ensure that the person you marry is happy. If your partner is not cheerful, they won’t be able to make you happy either.
Do you understand each others’ emotional needs?
Do you really care about this? More often than not, as time goes by, it ends up being a case of one trying to get the other to think along their lines. Understand that it is not sex or money or your status in society that determines the success of marriage. It is how well you manage to look after each other's emotional needs that really sees you through. Since both men and women have different emotional needs, it's imperative that you understand them well. These are the things that you need to constantly bear in mind — constant attention, appreciation and affection.
How connected are you with your loved one?
Fulfilling needs, as discussed in the previous point, is distinct from being truly connected. Devoid of connection, the bond can become rather clinical. Deeper connections are formed when two people manage to come together on a firm foundation based on common beliefs, likes and dislikes. There is a reason why one is forever searching a soul mate — it’s simply another name for deep emotional connect.
Are you forging a deeper bond with him/her?
Ask yourselves the real questions, not the superficial ones — do you respect and admire each other? Are you impressed with each other in a deeper and meaningful way? Then, tackle the issue of trust — will he/she be there with you in a moment of crisis? Can you trust each other’s judgment? Can you really believe in what he/ she says?
Do you feel protected and safe with each other? Will he/ she take advantage of your vulnerability? Can you be completely open with each other?
Is he/she of sound emotional health?
This is one thing that almost no one thinks about checking before deciding to tie the knot. Is the one you are with emotionally healthy? If not, he/she won’t be emotionally available for you either. It is one of the most unfortunate mistakes people make while choosing partners. He is brooding, she is the quiet one — traits we consider very attractive. But how many of us really manage to find out what lies beneath?
One of the reasons why some people are emotionally unavailable is because they are caught in a triangle of affection between the spouse and the family, or a member who may be dependent on them. The emotional connection between the dependent one needs to be negotiated, as there can not be three people in a marriage. If that cannot be achieved, it is clear that the person is addicted to that relationship. Never marry an addict.
Then, there are people who suffer from self-loathing. Beware of them. They do not love themselves and will not be able to love others either.